My name is Nate. And I'm a homewrecker.

Ok – I have to get this off my chest. The guilt is eating me up.

Today I stepped out onto my porch to find it covered in little twigs and scraps of this and that. Being the clever fellow that I am, I immediately knew to turn to my right where our porch light was – and yes, there I discovered an in-progress bird’s nest.

Now don’t get me wrong – especially from a previous rant about birds – I love the little guys…and gal birds. I enjoy their songs, their lovely colors, their flitting about. I just don’t like when they poop on my property. Especially garage doors and front porches.

So, the nest had to go.

And if birds could swear, I know I would have gotten an earful. They perched right close by in a tree and shot me evil little bird eyes and chirped angrily away while I tore down the home they’ve been building together for their soon-to-be little bird family.

I apologized as I swept off the porch. Out loud. As if they could understand me.

Then I pointed to what has to be a stand of over 500 trees of varying sizes behind our back yard.

“Check it.” I said, “There are plenty of spots just right for the two of you, with much better views than my front porch. Now quit looking at me like that. And enough with the profanity! Do you throw up in your kids’ beaks with that mouth?”

There. I feel better now.